What has this process taught us? Waiting for a referral.

It’s been a few months since we’ve updated the blog, so we wanted to take the time to let y’all know how we’re doing and what life has been like for us lately. 

Quite simply, we’ve been taking one day at a time. We’re not trying to think much further ahead than that. Each day, the emotional energy that is involved in surviving an adoption wait doesn’t leave much left in the tank to want to think about things like the “future” or what the next step will be in our journey. We’ve been laser-focused on just waiting for our referral call and not worrying about everything else that will come later. Because, realistically, there is only so much planning and preparation that hopeful adoptive parents can do before you just have to step back and let go. Even writing this blog post has been a very difficult thing to get through.

During our wait, we have been able to reflect on our journey so far and really adjust our posture on adoption and God’s plan for our lives. I’ve compiled a few things that this adoption process has taught us. 

• We are not in control and this journey is not about us. If the road we’ve walked to become a family has taught us anything, it’s that none of it is in our control, and none of it really is about us. A couple weeks ago, we hit the one-year mark of our adoption journey. A milestone that I had been dreading and, honestly, didn’t care to celebrate. Still not having an actual child in our hearts, has made the wait seem particularly painful lately. When we have started to feel especially sorry for ourselves we have adjusted the posture of our hearts and remembered that adoption is not about us. It’s about answering the call that God has placed on our lives. It’s about following his will and trusting his plan. It’s about loving on children and birth families from afar until we can love them up close. There is a child out there that needs a forever family and God is working on bringing us together. We are ready for whenever God wants us to step into that role. It’s a privilege that we are so excited about.
• There is a lot of waiting. Like a lot. They weren’t kidding. It’s hard waiting in a culture of immediacy and in an age of impatience. We consider ourselves fairly patient people by nature. We have been able to endure some pretty painful “waits” throughout our young lives so far. We knew the adoption wait would be long and painful, but it has certainly brought about an amount of trust that cannot be fully described or understood unless you’ve maybe experienced your own adoption wait, particularly, after years of infertility. It’s hard for many people to understand why adoption can take a long time or why we would put ourselves through this. We often get responses like, “Why is it taking so long?” or “Oh, I could never wait that long!” Our deepest comfort comes from knowing that while we are waiting, God is with us. He aches with us, cries with us, comforts us. He meets us in our pain and uses all our struggles for our good. One day, we will thank him for everything that he gave us, and denied us, on this earth. So, soon enough, we will be praising God through joyful tears on the day we hold our little one in our arms–thanking him for the wait that led us to that moment. It’s the moment that we hold in our hearts until we can hold our child in our arms.
• Sometimes “wait” is the most precious answer God can give us. Why? It makes us cling to Him rather than cling to an outcome. Even an outcome as beautiful as adoption. God knows what we need. We do not. He sees the future. We cannot. His perspective is eternal. Ours is not. He will give us what is best for us. When it is best for us. Sometimes God asks the unthinkable of us. To trust him in the dark. To accept his will when we don’t understand. To submit to his sovereignty in the midst of uncertainty. To believe he has a purpose when nothing makes sense. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we have to trust that God will finish what he started and we pray for his sustaining power to do so. 
• No one can meet you in your pain like God can. He is there with you. He never leaves you. The adoption community is a beautiful thing, but there is no support group or person (not even a spouse) that will meet you like God can. He will walk with you through the darkest valleys and will never, ever leave you. Because God is for me, in Christ, I can trust him. I can trust him with my weakness, with my fears, with my pain. And with that knowledge, I can face the day. With that knowledge, I can face anything. Like our wait to become parents. Even when it seems like we’re praying to a brick wall, God is for us and he is listening. And if God is for us, he is orchestrating everything in our lives for our good.

What we know is that the call could come tomorrow or it could come at a later date. Only God knows when that time will be. The God of the Promise allows us to trust that that time will be the exact right time.

We ask for your continued prayers as we make our way through our adoption wait on our road to parenthood. Pray for strength and peace as we make it through each day as we get closer to knowing our child. 

Love,
Bri

Photo credit: Melissa Johnson